Talking with new people

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Communication in new environments

Talking with new people can be nerve-wracking, even if you’re fairly charismatic and confident.

The number one technique to use? Questions. As long as the other person is talking, you don’t need to say anything beyond “mhmm,” “tell me more,” and “interesting.”

That’s far easier than attempting to entertain them with your own stories.

Don’t just ask one question and then move on. Once the other person has finished their answer, ask a follow-up question. This mitigates the risk you’ll seem like you’re interrogating or interviewing them.

For instance, if you say, “Where are you from?” and they reply, “Sydney,” you might ask, “Why did you move?”, “What’s the greatest similarity between your home town and here?”, “If you could have brought anyone along with you from Minnesota, who would it be?”, “Where are your favourite places in Sydney?”, “If I go to your home town, what can I absolutely not miss?”, or another location centric question.

When you first kick off the conversation, you know virtually nothing about this person. That’s why author and speaker Gretchen Rubin suggests opting for topics common to both of you in the moment.

Your physical environment is always a safe bet. Look around for something worth commenting on -- the architecture, an interesting piece of artwork, the song that’s playing, and so on.

The other person’s clothing can also work as a conversation-starter, although you want to avoid seeming creepy. Give compliments like, “Those shoes are pretty unique. Where did you get them?” and “I like your shirt’s design. Which brand is it?” rather than ones like, “Your pants look good.”

React to comments in the spirit they were given.

When the other person makes a joke, laugh -- even if you didn’t think it was a funny. If they offer a surprising detail or anecdote -- like “The lack of an Oxford comma could cost a Maine company millions of dollars in an overtime lawsuit” -- react with surprise. They’ll feel gratified by your response, which will make them want to keep talking to you.