Avoiding Small Talk

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Subjects to avoid

It might seem silly to write an extended post about small talk -- and then delve into tactics for avoiding it.

But let's be clear. This isn't a guide to steering clear of conversations at networking events, office parties, conferences, or social gatherings. If you want to do that, I have a simple suggestion: Stay home!

Of course, that's usually not a feasible strategy if you want to forge new connections (and since forging new connections tends to go hand-in-hand with career growth, I highly recommend doing it occasionally).

Avoiding small talk = avoiding boring, trite, meaningless, forgettable conversations that don't add value to you or the other participants.

If you want to do that, here are a few suggestions. (By the way, avoiding small talk is one of my continual goals in life.)

First, be curious. The person or people you're talking to are interesting. Chances are, they know a whole lot about something you know something about -- if not many things. Take advantage of that. Figure out what they care about and ask lots of questions. Don't forget to listen and stay engaged so it's clear you're not just going through the motions.

Second, pose unique questions and start non-obvious discussions. If you say something like, "It's so cold this week," you're going to have a boring conversation (unless you're talking to a farmer or meteorologist, maybe). Get creative and maybe a little weird. When someone says, "Wow, it's so cold this week," reply, "Sure is. Did you grow up in a warmer area?" Now you're talking about their childhood and the different places they've lived. Way more interesting.

Third, avoid highly controversial or sensitive topics. These include:

Politics
Physical appearance
Religion
Age
Anything PG-13 and up

Whether you love making small talk or wish you never had to do it, these tips, conversation starters, and questions will help you get the most from it. Good luck out there.

The Art of Small Talk